november 16th, 2008, 1:55 am

nothing false and possible is love
(who's imagined, therefore limitless)
love's to giving as to keeping's give;
as yes is to if,love is to yes

must's a schoolroom in the month of may:
life's the deathboard where all now turns when
(love's a universe beyond obey
or command,reality or un-)

proudly depths above why's first because
(faith's last doubt and humbly heights below)
kneeling, we—true lovers—pray that us
will ourselves continue to outgrow

all whose mosts if you have known and i've
only we our least begin to guesse e cummings, 1 x 1, xxxiv

november 3rd, 2008, 4:57 pm

this is nothing like it was in my room
in my best clothes
trying to think of you
this is nothing like it was in my room
in my best clothesthe national, mr. november

it's november. this time i'm armed, but none of my armaments are working. i'm afraid it will still get cold. is this the beginning of the end?

i will go to sleep early. i will wake early. it will be dark when i waken—i'll have a hot shower; i'll have coffee. the room will be warm with the glow of incandescent light. i'll pull on wool layers. then i'll put on a wool sweater.

unfortunately, that's all i know how to do.

you'll have to invent what you lack

now it's hunting season for sleeping demons
i want your attention, your infection
for every new reason, do you know how i need it?

oh your face and everything that you say
and oh your face and everything that you say
and oh your face and everything that you say

i almost washed us out talking to me
the call came like a wave of relief
i'm such a lucky mess
i just need some rest

take me along
from now on
take me along
from now onnada surf, from now on

i would say "create it and let it go," but i keep getting caught up on the first half of that aphorism. the first half is difficult when starved of value.

i love this double-entendre:

climbing from over-stimulated states to hearing
cold radio and license plates but don’t dream
that it’s a dream—it is what it seems
that it’s a dream—it is what is seemsnada surf, weightless

october 14th, 2008, 6:54 am

i love that snow is here again. i like walking around under streetlights when it's dark and snow falls past them. i love wool sweaters and layers of clothing, and i just bought a pair of carhartt pants. this is my season.

i've been doing a lot of coding for ttf and sappho. it's been really fun. i'm glad that i'm completely out of my old programming rut.

i built my own desk! i'm going to do a bit more work on it, then i'll take more pictures.

i think i'm going back to school tomorrow. i'm still a little uncertain, though.

"the roads are terribly slick
but the snow will bring me to you"

october 7th, 2008, 6:20 am

last year, for the first couple weeks of october, i was homeless. then i got sick of the arrangement, and i moved in with a friend for six weeks. those six weeks were intense!

i'd wake up at 5am, take a shower, have breakfast at the western cafe at 6am, then i'd be in my office by 7am. i was very productive. that was when i designed this website as it is today. i was also working on painting, music (composition and transcription), my journals, and doing well with my coursework.

there's something beautiful about waking up at 5am when it's still dark outside and getting started with the ambitions of the day. i'm hoping i can recreate that atmosphere again this fall.

i wake up without warning and go flying around the house
me and my sauvignon, fierce, freaking out
take a forty-five minute shower and kiss the mirror
saying, "look at me, baby, we'll be fine"
all we gotta do is be brave and be kind
i put on an argyle sweater and put on a smile
i don't know how to do thisthe national, baby, we'll be fine

i'm feeling it this morning. my sleep schedule has been crazy weird. but i'm embracing it now. i woke up at 4am. i'm feeling the intensity that was characteristic of last fall. i'm going to try my best to recreate it.

today i have a list of ambitions. i'm going to finish a painting, update the live version of ttf, clean up my music collection, go grocery shopping, and pick up francis at the airport (he gets back from africa tonight).

i've also been thinking about the web-based life management software i want to create. i think i'm actually going to do it. it's a large undertaking. i'm going to have to learn a lot more about server security. i'm not sure if i have the time to fully execute my ideas, but i'm going to try to get some of it done. i'm excited!

i've been very reserved on this blog. i post seldomly. i'm thinking that i may post more often with updates on my progress. i hope you find the rss feed useful!

i've been listening to nada surf's latest album, lucky, a lot. i'm enjoying these lyrics this morning:

the only thing i'm scared of is the secret that you keep
i know where you are, i dunno where you are
don't make the other wonder, the others might sting
tell me what you're thinking,
do not let me twist
just look at the size of you—
i see you in my sheets, i see you in my sleep
i see you with something that's funny, i hear you, i almost weep

i see you from my steps, you're walking up my street
but just look at the size of you—

i see you in my sheets, i see you in my sleep
i see you from my steps, you're walking up my street
and just look at the size of you—

the sun shine on and on—
the sun shine on and on—nada surf, are you lightning?

i've been reading zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance by robert pirsig. i like the content and the story. at first, i was unimpressed by his writing style and construction. but i've gotten used to it and i'm appreciating it quite a bit.

after i finish this book, i'll be finishing notes from underground by dostoyevsky. then i'll be reading letters from a young poet by rilke and nine stories by salinger.

if you haven't noticed, i have two new project pages on this website. check out my paintings and sappho!

october 2nd, 2008, 1:16 am

good news! i finally had surgery last week, so i'll be feeling much better soon. no more emergency hospital visits! check out my photos of the trip.

i'm twenty-three now, and this website has been online for nine full years!

on a duller note, all of the binary content hosted on this website is now served via amazon s3. so now my source repository is all clean and pretty. aws is also pushing some nice content-type headers, so i'm happy with the service.

i'm still trying to figure out how to integrate my photo album with this website. for now, just click here.

it has been a couple rough weeks, emotionally. it's hard for me to be idle or consumed with narcotics. i've been doing a decent amount of reading, which is nice for a change. i've been wondering what i'm doing with my life, but i'm hoping that as i get feeling better, i'll start moving quickly again.