november 13th, 2011, 8:47 pm

i was going to the deli to get some food for a picnic with a girl. outside, i heard a middle-aged woman on her phone.

into the phone, the lady emphasized that he doesn’t know her. he is projecting his fantasy onto her. that fantasy is not her. she wants to be known as and appreciated for who she actually is.

after being reminded of this worldview, it weighed on me as i neared the deli.

a day later, remembering it again, it weighs on me more. i want to break free of my struggle with fantasies and realities. i want to appreciate reality entirely and ultimately. but i know that doing so would require that i cast off my idealism, my romanticism, and my dream to see them incarnate.

i am overwhelmed that this struggle has cost me so much in my life. i am in disbelief that i still fail to make significant progress toward addressing this conflict.

i do not blame those people in my life who tired of being my mis-appreciated (not over-appreciated) fantasy. i do not blame those people in my life who tired of being my mis-appreciated (not under-appreciated) reality. i blame myself.

this is my weight, my burden.

november 2nd, 2011, 6:16 pm

half way home
i booked the flight
to bring you back
to me

we met
we exchanged
and you agreed
to come with me

i had one doubt
but it quickly passed through me
it blossomed in you
and tore you away from me

november 2nd, 2011, 6:12 pm

i had strayed
yet no longer
i never left
nor would i ever

you never strayed
but you left
for ever

october 25th, 2011, 4:45 am

halfway home: we’re together; we just need to remain together.

october 25th, 2011, 3:59 am

she awakes in the middle of the night yet again. surprisingly, he’s not snoring. hungry, she goes to the kitchen to get a bag of trail mix.