june 20th, 2008, 7:45 pm

tucked into bed, you see the ghost of your teddy bear
check under the covers just to make sure he's still sleeping there
turn wedding gowns to angel clothes for the baby to wear
turn wedding gowns to angel clothes for the baby to wear

she rides him like the state fair
they make love like two solar flares
caring like they really care
that they're gonna make it

it's the day in the place where she first said i love you
spread his ashes with the breath of the last kiss that she blew
they decorate when featherless
they celebrate through hungriness
it's about time two minds combined
in such a fine, fine waycloud cult, may your hearts stay strong

june 18th, 2008, 3:20 pm

i have concluded that everything is a trap.

earlier today, i thought that i was going to gouge my eyeballs out.

now i'm seeing more than ever! unfortunately, the knowledge and emotions are distressing. smothering. suffocating.

A summer calm laid its soothing hand over everything, like death.plath, the bell jar, 113

so i go to sleep. and i wake up. and everything is the same.

may 25th, 2008, 10:33 pm

one's not half two.   It's two are halves of one:
which halves reintegrating,shall occur
no death and any quantity;but than
all numerable mosts the actual more

minds ignorant of stern miraculous
this every truth—beware of heartless them
(given the scalpel,they dissect a kiss;
or,sold the reason,they undream a dream)

one is the song which fiends and angels sing:
all murdering lies by mortals told make two.
Let liars wilt,repaying life they're loaned;
we(by a gift called dying born)must grow

deep in dark least ourselves remembering
love only rides his year.
                                      All lose,whole finde e cummings, 1 x 1, xvi

may 22nd, 2008, 7:17 pm

And then I wondered if as soon as he came to love me I would find fault after fault, the way I did with Buddy Willard and the boys before him.

The same thing happened over and over:

I would catch sight of some flawless man off in the distance, but as soon as he moved closer I immediately saw he wouldn't do at all.

That's one of the reasons I never wanted to get married. The last thing I wanted was infinite security and to be the place an arrow shoots off from. I wanted change and excitement and to shoot off in all directions myself, like colored arrows from a Fourth of July rocket.plath, the bell jar, 83

As I stared down at Constantin the way you stare down at a bright, unattainable pebble at the bottom of a deep well, his eyelids lifted and he looked through me, and his eyes were full of love. I watched dumbly as a shutter of recognition clicked across the blur of tenderness and the wide pupils went glossy and depthless as patent leather.plath, the bell jar, 85

may 15th, 2008, 4:33 pm

when i look upon these words with disgust:

The Eternal-Feminine
Lures to perfectiongoethe, faust

then i have succeeded. for she has finally died. hasn't she? i may despair over the lost passion and emotions. but at least i am free. although now i will despair over my freedom (and nausea).