january 29th, 2011, 12:10 am
face to face.
january 26th, 2011, 11:45 pm
well, you’ve done it again, virginia
made another masterpiece while i was dreaming
how does it feel to feel like you?
brilliant sugar, brilliant sugar, brilliant sugar, turn overa cool, tall, drink of water is all you ever wanted to be—
the national, “you’ve done it again, virginia”
well, how does it feel to feel like you?
january 17th, 2011, 1:10 pm
i know it wouldn’t come to love, my heroine pretend
a lady stepping from the songs we love until this day
you settle for an epitaph like “walk away, renée”
the sun upon the roof in winter will draw you out like a flower
meet you at the statue in an hour—
belle and sebastian, “piazza, new york catcher”
i learn my lines before i get the part. i can only hope to spin the chapter into rapture. (listen to the new pornographer’s “unguided.”)
i can’t believe i’m back at the names versus faces dichotomy again.
january 15th, 2011, 10:00 pm
i just finished applying to graduate programs. i still may apply to zürich as well, though.
i’ve also applied to a few different positions with my current employer.
i’m teaching again this semester. my student evaluations from last semester were good, and the first lecture of this semester went exceptionally well. i’m excited!
that’s about it. i’ll omit the emotional, the philosophical, and the romantic.
this year is looking gorgeous—with one enormous exception.
january 2nd, 2011, 1:34 am
called susie last night—she was going to call me for the celebratory breakfast at 10:30 a.m. today, which would be at either the overeasy or the cat eye café.
so i went to the main street overeasy today by myself at about 1 p.m. one of the girls was maybe kinda flirty with me. service was terrible, as usual.
depressing pinback. “take me to the riot” brings the smiles. then sadness. the days are so empty!
i want to make it to page 300 before the end of the year. which means that i need more than paints and a keyboard and a computer. i really need a love, a muse. the beauty is great. but it’s only so great. shared beauty is heaven. what else? i keep returning to this notion.
“what is the opposite or demise of larz-love? loneliness.” (20070803) for the beauty and the shimmering teardrop.
“Ah, I think, but somewhere ahead in the night waits a sweet beauty for me, who will come up and take my hand, maybe Tuesday—and I’ll sing to her and be pure again and be like young arrow-slinging Gotama vying for her prize— Too late! All my friends growing old and ugly and fat, and me too, and nothing there but expectations that dont pan out—and the Void’ll Have Its Way.” (jk, da, p II, § 69, pg 124)
those distinctive pinback chords and sounds—
sidewalks downtown
grocery stores
rockford coffee
the apartment
the office—it is inescapable, but HOPEFULLY deniable. HOW CAN I LEGITIMATELY BLAME THE VACUUM? IT IS NOT THE FAULT OF THIS VACUUM—IT IS MY FAULT! I CAN’T FILL IT! IT IS MY MIND. I BLAME MY DEPRESSION ON THE VACUUM. BUT IT IS INDEPENDENT.
myself, the black book, 200712141330jn